These posts are the story of our journey through the Air Traffic Control process since April 10, 2015. I wrote these posts at the date posted and have held off on posting them. I wrote them as a way to process. To see previous posts, click on the following links:
April 17, 2015
It has been about a week now since Aaron received a Green Check on his application. We have not heard anything else, no verbal or written confirmation of this checkpoint. It is a weird feeling to know that change is around the corner but to be clueless as to what that change entails, or even
Again and again, I am coming back to one day at a time.
I am trying to not overthink what could happen. I could drive myself crazy with all the what-ifs right now. If I played out all the possibilities, all the potential changes in my head, I could give myself a panic attack. Instead, I have chosen to live in the moment, let go of the plans I have for my life, and trust that God will be working out everything in the best way because He sees the big picture.
But to let go…. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I like a plan. I don’t need to know everything but I want to know things like if I will be able to keep my job, if we have to sell our house, when we can start a family. I can’t plan everything, but I would like to have some sort of idea of what life will look like in a year.
This morning in my quiet time, I was brought back to the constants in life… and thus reminded of how few there are. As cliche as it sounds, I like the phrase “Lord willing” because it gives me permission to have ideas and desires without making it a plan. In a world where everything is temporary, it is helpful to remember the permanent; the never changing.
So what are my constants? What will not change?
My past won’t change, the good, the bad, and the ugly that has helped to shape who I am today.
The love and support of my husband won’t change. Past, present, and future (Lord Willing) his presence in my life through the ups and the downs means so much to me. Going through this journey with him, although sometimes scary and unexpected, means the world to me and I find great peace knowing that wherever we go, we go together and figure out side by side.
The love and support of my family and friends won’t change. Their influence in my life, each person in such a unique and special way, has shaped me and continues to be a driving force in my life every day.
Ultimately though, all that matters is that the Lord will not and has never changed. He is the same never changing, never ending. So no matter what this journey brings my way, I find hope knowing that He has a plan. I have peace in the fact that he is always there and will never leave. I find rest in him.
As I process, as the endless possibilities come into my mind, I have peace in the constants in my life. There is so much that could change, but there is so much that stays the same and because of what stays the same, I can get excited for the future, I can stay calm through the unknowns, through the ups and the downs, I can feel sadness but hold on to the joy that outweighs any current circumstantial feelings that I may experience in my life.
What happens tomorrow is a mystery, most everything in this life is fleeting, but there is joy to be found in the things that stay the same.