These posts are the story of our journey through the Air Traffic Control process since April 10, 2015. I wrote these posts at the date posted and have held off on posting them. I wrote them as a way to process. To see previous posts, click on the following links:
April 11, 2015
Imagine for a second, someone telling you that your life will completely change. Your job could change, your home, you could be uprooted and start a life in a completely new place… or maybe you won’t. And if you do, the timing is completely unknown. It could be in 4 months, it could happen in 2 years. All you know is that there will be a change. When Aaron was selected for the first round, that is what I was told. My feelings… well… it was a whirlwind. How do you process a potential huge change like this? The outcome is unknown but what we do know is that in a year we could be in a new location with new jobs, a new career, and a new home, or we will have to change our ideas about where we are going in life.
On Friday afternoon, when Aaron told me that he was through the first round, the possibilities raced through my mind. My life could change, my job, my everything. I felt excitement for the endless possibilities. I felt the pain of sadness for the potential to leave my support system and the people I love. I felt fear for the unknowns. With a busy upcoming weekend, packed with events, I didn’t have time to process, I didn’t even have time to talk further with Aaron about how he was feeling about all of this. On Saturday morning, I woke up for my long run and decided I needed to write Aaron an email. I knew I would talk to him tomorrow after friends had left and we had a chance to sit down together, but I also needed him to know where I was at, what I felt and that I supported him and was excited. I know that for Aaron, it is hard for him to be excited without considering my feelings, and for something with the potential for such a large change, he needed to know that I was on board too. So as I prepped for my run and ate my breakfast, I sat down to write an email. If nothing else, the process of writing this out, helped me to process my thoughts and feelings about this upcoming change.
Although we haven’t had much of a chance to talk yet, I wanted to let you know what I feel about all of this. In everything, I support you.
I am so incredibly proud of you. Your hard work has paid off, your patience has been worth it and your diligence in the face of past rejections have brought you to the next step in this journey. I know you have a long road ahead of you but the traits I have seen of you in the pursuit of this dream have shown me you have what it takes to accomplish anything you set your mind to. I love those things about you and I am glad I have seen this so far in this journey with you.
I am excited. In the past three years of our marriage, we have had adventures and plenty of ups and downs but I think one of my favorite parts about marriage is overcoming that with you. I love the journey. I love not knowing but every step along the way shapes and grows us closer to God and closer together. And what I love most about it is taking every step with you. I am excited to go on this next step of our journey with you. I am excited to see what plans God has for us and I am excited to see where we end up. But most of all I am excited that no matter what that means at this point in our lives, the end point will always be with you.
I am scared but I trust. If I am being honest with myself and you, I am scared of the potential to be leaving what we know and what we have built where we are now. The unknowns of this part of our journey freak me out a bit and there are a lot of unknowns. I know for the next few months my head will be swirling with possibilities, what ifs and potential outcomes. This one could be a game changer for us. But I trust God and I trust you.
I know God has a plan for our lives together, I know he has a plan for you. I rest in the fact that God sees the big picture for our lives and that he will not take us to where he won’t use or shape us. It might not be easy and there might be some pain along the way but “God works for the good of those who love him.”
“I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.”
I also trust you. We have had 3 years now in our marriage of building this trust in each other and if there is one thing that has been solidified in my mind over and over again, it is how much I trust you and your genuine heart. I know I can sometimes get upset over things said or left unsaid but I have never ever questioned your genuine good will toward me. I know you have my best interest at the heart of everything that you do. I know you think and consider our future and our family and you take a long term perspective in the decisions that you make. I trust that no matter where this life leads us, you will be right along side me. I trust you and I know we will get through anything that life has in store for us together.